It’s that time of the year when everyone thinks their team is going to the Super Bowl, their best player will be the MVP and the coach will out smart all the other coaches. Normally I would say something like “let’s do our best to take a step back to reality and look at what is ahead for the Colts” but that’s no fun so here’s why the Colts are going to win every game this year and go 16-0.
Game 1 @ Jaguars:
The Colts start their season on the road at Jacksonville who seem to be trying their best to draft Trevor Lawrence with the number one pick this year. If the Colts don’t win this game they could be in for a long season. This game is the Colts’ version of a tune-up game for a big college football program like when Alabama plays Charlotte and beats them by 40.
Game 2: vs. Vikings:
The Colts will use their momentum from their 40 point win to shut down Kirk Cousins in the first home game of the season, making Stefon Diggs glad he forced his way out.
Game 3 vs. Jets:
Chris Ballard continues to look more and more like a genius for the trade that eventually ended up with the Jets drafting Sam Darnold and the Colts getting Quenton Nelson. Especially after Sam Darnold throws 5 interceptions in this game. Big Q may have more touchdowns than Darnold in this one.
Game 4 at Bears:
The middle of a stretch where the Colts play against bad quarterbacks. At this point the Bears have probably have gone back and forth between Trubisky and Foles a couple times. The Colts defense thrives against either of these guys.
Game 5 at Browns:
Week 4 looks like weeks 3 and 4. Baker Mayfield throws more touchdowns for the Colts than he does for the Browns and the Colts win big again.
Game 6 vs. Bengals:
Rookie Joe Burrow can no longer handle the spotlight. He holds the ball too long and is sacked over 10 times as the Colts continue their winning streak.
Game 7 at Lions:
The Lions defense will not be able to contain the Colts in this one. Nobody will ever get close to Phillip Rivers and Jonathan Taylor has his breakout game scoring almost every time he touches the ball. Matt Pratricia will chew through so many pencils in this game he won’t have any more to stick in his ear for the rest of the year.
Game 8 vs. Ravens:
This is where things start to get serious, playing against the reigning MVP, Lamar Jackson. But at this point the Colts defense has dominated for 7 weeks and just ride that wave to another big win.
Game 9 at Titans:
Why did Tennessee pay Ryan Tannehill all that money? Titans fans will likely be asking themselves this question for the next 4 years. Tannehill is getting paid almost 30 million a year to hand the ball the Derek Henry. Colts win, but so does Tannehill for tricking Tennessee into giving him that contract.
Game 10 vs. Packers:
If this game was in Green Bay it would be a completely different game but it’s not. Colts win this battle of old quarterbacks.
Game 11 vs. Titans:
See week 8, different week but the same result.
Game 12 at Texans:
This one is going to be a tough game, but maybe Bill O’Brien will trade the rest of the team for a bag of chips before we get to this game. The Texans won’t be able to stretch the field like they used to with Hopkins and the Colts defense shines again.
Game 13 at Raiders:
The Colts make their first trip to Las Vegas. As long as they can stay away from the night life this one will be a walk in the park. Colts win this one on both sides of the ball.
Game 14 vs. Texans:
The second game against the Texans looks a lot like the first but now the Colts are at home, so they dominate the game even more this time.
Game 15 at Steelers:
Knock off versions of LeVeon Bell and Antonio Brown won’t be enough to carry Big Ben in this game. Colts go to Pittsburgh and keep the perfect season alive.
Game 16 vs. Jaguars:
We end the season the same way we started. The Colts win in a blowout to go 16-0 and the Jaguars finish their perfect season as well going 0-16 to get the first pick in the draft.